i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
