kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
