i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
