You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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