pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
