i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
