Too much gin, very little bucket
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
