I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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