My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
