You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
