paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
a search helicopter?!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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