How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
there is glitter all over my balls
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
