please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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