I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
