He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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