accomplished twins. life is a go
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize