My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize