separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
