I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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