I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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