life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
