you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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