She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
