sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
