Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
