So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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