Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dick very happy bro
All I want is dick and wine.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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