yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
4 words: hood of his car
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
