Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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