He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
