Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
