im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
