Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
