I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
