Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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