So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
