I must be too annoying 4 u.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
