I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize