I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How's work?
Spinning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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