dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
