At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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