I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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