If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
