You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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