i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
