We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wow bdsm is so cute
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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