Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
