Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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