So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
