Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
