Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
