You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize