I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
