ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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