we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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