my mouth tastes like poor choices
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
