Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
