What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
