you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
