I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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