Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
