Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
