does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
