laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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