I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
